Work, school, friends, life sucks
So I'll start with a little bit about myself, I'm just starting university after graduating high school with honours. I had a lot of friends in high school, went to the parties, lived a fun, happy life. I have always been the happy go lucky person with a positive attitude about everything.
However, I've been feeling really overwhelmed lately with all of life in general. I've worked at a restaurant for the past two years, and although I used to love it there, things have started to change. My last five shifts have left me crying when I get home and the waitress' 10-20 years older than me are rude and mean when I get the better tables, or shifts than they do.
My friends who work there say that they are just deadbeats that are bitter that I'm in university and actually going somewhere in my life. But I can't keep living like this.
I'm unhappy all the time and I can't do this anymore. I need money to pay for university but I don't want to work there anymore. The thing is most restaurants in my city are open until 2am and I can't stay out that late and keep up with my schoolwork.
I'm thinking about going back to retail because although the money wasn't quite as good, at least I didn't leave crying every night. This wouldn't be bad enough if my friends were there for me. But three of my close friends just went opposite ways for university and I'm left feeling more alone than ever.
Its not even like we talk at all because they got
jealous of me hanging out with my boyfriend and friends from work or university and they slowly pushed me out of their circle by not calling or answering my emails. My boyfriend of over a year is absolutely amazing at keeping me happy and supporting me, but he's working all the time to pay off his school and I don't want to overload him with issues everyday when he comes home from work.
My parents are ok, but they're really hard to talk too, since they have no idea what a day in my shoes would be like. Mostly they just add to the frustrations when I come home from a bad day at work and they yell at me for arguing with my sister who is such a little brat. They always side with her and my dad blames me for all the problems in our family.
Ive come so close to running away about three times.. I mean Ive gotten in my car, with a bag of clothes and started driving. I just feel like my life is spinning wildly out of control and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. Worst of all I have no one to turn to. I need help to get my life back on track and under control. I never feel happy anymore and I'm not motivated to do anything. Plus I really want to stop crying all the time, this isn't like me I'm the usual social butterfly who's always happy. But its getting harder for me to put on a show and pretend I'm ok when I'm not. HELP PLEASE