Sudden Changes

by Tanya

I am a 22-year-old girl who recently graduated from undergrad and I have just started my first year of medical school. For as long as I have been in school I have known that I wanted to be a physician; it was the goal I have been working towards for over 15 years of my life. The moment I got my acceptance, instead of feeling joy I felt numb and sad.

Prior to this development, I have almost always been happy, content, ambitious and motivated. Now I find myself lacking motivation, feeling insecure and dealing with bouts of anxiety. I considered whether or not this was a negative reaction to my career choice, but I truly and honestly do believe and feel that medicine is what I want to do, yet I can't for the life of me enjoy what I have achieved.

Classes have been fine so far. I am making friends, socializing, etc. but I find that I am simply doing enough to "get by". I don't have a passion to learn, I don't take the time to enjoy what I am doing in university they way I used to. I find it so strange that the lack of competition has eaten away at my sense of direction and purpose.

I find it very very difficult to talk to anyone about this. Everyone is proud of me and would not understand my depression over achieving my goal. My classmates have their own problems that seem more significant and real than mine. At this point in time I do not feel comfortable approaching student services, as I am familiar with some of the counselors who work there.

Basically, I am struggling to figure out why my insecurities and anxieties are so much more severe now that I have attained what I always wanted. The lack of stress is, well, stressing me out?

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