Self Destructive Relationships, Break Free Forever

Why is it that we continuously find ourselves drawn into the same self destructive relationships? Why do we find something so irresistible about those who’s greatest skill is causing us pain? Well there are a few theories out there about this, like our experiences with our parents, scarcity theory, we want what we can not have so on and so forth and I’m sure they all have a role to play, but I suggest the real reason is more than this. Relationships ultimately boil down to meeting needs. If our needs are not being met, well, we leave. If we are constantly finding poor and abusive situations, then this is a need within ourselves and that need must be met. We simply need to be treated badly. We only stay in relationships where our needs are being met. Hopefully this makes sense. This need is then communicated to our subconscious, who, in it’s infinite wisdom processes the request and immediately sets to work on locating our next contestant in our game of self destruction. The cycle begins again.

Few people in this situation can stomach this fact when faced with it. Many will take offense and proclaim “how dare you say I want this”, but actions speak louder than words. For these people, they should listen to their actions, for they are in denial with their words. How can you say I don’t want something then go do it anyway, that makes no sense to me, at some level you do want it!

We all know recovery begins with an honest admission to a problem. The term responsible means response - able. Are we response able in this situation? Yes, you see we must acknowledge that we are responsible, how can you not be? There is every opportunity to respond in this circumstance, we have dis-empowered ourselves here and chosen not to.

Now I know there are some that find themselves in such a bad situation that they simply cannot leave for legitimate fear of harm, but for the most part this is not the case. This is a different issue, I am referring here to generally poor relationships, not the psychotic. The fact that most can leave but don’t, says it all.

So what is the solution to this? How do we break free. Well, as always it boils down to

self worth, honesty, and self esteem. In order to break free of these self destructive patterns we must first recognize the cause of them. What we think we are worth and what we think we deserve are the main issues here. We have to believe we deserve better, until that day we will continue to get what we have always got, poor results.

Once we recalibrate ourselves to a higher standard we simply will no longer settle for inferior results. Our external world will adjust to match our internal beliefs. Lets work on the beliefs and begin to find true happiness. Lets raise our standards.

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