Mr. Breakdown

I have a problem. I fall in love too easily and I NEVER let go. Even while I am in a relationship, I can't stop thinking about the mistakes that I made in my previous relationship. I have had three serious relationships over the course of six years. In the following two years since my most recent break-up, I have come to realize that I open up too rapidly and it scares people off. It isn't intentional, I just remember how happy I always saw my parents and I desperately want that in my life. I am 26 years old and single, watching all my friends getting married and having children, and I am alone.

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Feb 22, 2010
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back again
by: Mr. Breakdown

So my life is running swirls. Patterns that keep repeating without being able to recognize what to do in advance. The girl that I thought was right was wrong again. Once again I find myself wondering...what the hell was I thinking? I haven't been writing at all lately. I started a book and I can't finish it.

Jun 17, 2009
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16JUN09
by: Mr. Breakdown

ok. another day down. Living this way, day by day, makes you appreciate the stupid little moments that we have. The random conversations that seem so trivial all of a sudden mean so much. I don't know how to describe it. I look forward to writing each day. It is a little bit of an obsession, actually. I think to myself, "I should remember that for later." Oh well. Yesterday, I went to my first yoga class. Ir was a lot harder than I expected it to be but I enjoyed it. I will continue to go twice a week. I am kind of uncomfortable and self-conscious about some of the positions that woman makes me do, but I will learn to get over it. I am really excited about tommorrow. My family is coming to see me! It will be the first time that all of them have ever come to see ME. I will tell you about it, but right now I am exhausted and I need to sleep. Later

Jun 15, 2009
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Cool
by: Cody

Sounds like an awesome day my friend!! Keep up the good work.

Jun 15, 2009
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14JUN09
by: Mr. Breakdown

To all my fans out there...(lol) Sorry for the missed day. Yesterday was a great day. A friend of mine texted me and told me it was her birthday and asked me to come join her and a friend of hers at a beach in WA called point no point. I went and had a blast. After the beach we went out to a couple of local bars. I was the DD so she could celebrate her birthday the way that I would expect any 24 year old to...drinking. Despite the lack of drinking I had a great time. I listened to some local punk rock bands and watched her and her friends make complete fools of themselves, but they had a great time. We left after last call and I went back to her place with another friend of hers and I crashed on the couch.
When we got up in the morning we went to a local dive and had an excellant breakfast, greasy and fat-filled, the perfect hangover breakfast. I took her home said goodbye and happy birthday and left to go pick up my only real friend in the area. He has been home for a while and I was extremely glad to see him. We talked, as we always do, of hopes, dreams, and aspirations. I told him about my new hobby of writing everyday and gave him the website. I do hope that he reads it from time to time. His comments would mean more to me than he could possibly understand. I wonder if he knows that.
Anyway, today was good as I previously explained, but there was something off about it. All day I kept feeling a space between me and the rest of the world. I couldn't quite put my finger on it. It was like I was forgetting to do something that was important but I couldn't figure out what it was. Even right now as I sit here, I have no idea. Maybe it will come to me in my sleep. That is all for tonight, good night world.

Jun 13, 2009
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12JUN09
by: Mr. Breakdown

To any of you who are reading my ramblings here, please leave comments if you have any suggestions. OK another day gone by. I accomplished a fair amount today. I was told that my work ethic is really strong and that I am appreciated. It felt good to be thanked, even for doing some unimportant crap. I think that I am working better than I have in a long time. I am trying to find pride in my job despite the mundane tasks that I am being given. I feel better about my life than I have in a long while. I have decided to start yoga classes. I know, I know what you are thinking...I am only doing that to meet women. Not the case. I think that I could really enjoy it. It will help me focus and find peace, I hope. I think that it will be a good way for me to explore the spirituality that I have been desiring. It WILL also help keep my shoulder flexible. I lost a pretty good amount of weight due to the lack of activity and not eating. I was on some pretty good pain killers and I wasn't hungry, don't worry, I wasn't starving myself. I will sleep good tonight. To all of you who read this, thank you and good night.

Jun 12, 2009
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No problem
by: Cody

Of course not, post as much as you want. As you are finding out writing things down is very helpful.

I think as you have pointed out yourself there may be something else missing in your life and the relationships are just highlighting that. When you are with somebody you just don't have to think about, maybe what's missing is just a lack of other stuff in general.

Maybe just forget about it for a while and concentrate on making yourself complete. Have you seen "Yes Man" with Jim Carey? Trying new stuff is going to do three things, 1. it will take your mind off of things, 2. it will make you more attractive to others and 3. you might just meet somebody while doing it. Again I don't just want to throw over simplified advice that's easy to say and hard to do but it's kind of true.

Last thing that worked very well for me is to write down exactly who you want to be and what kind of life you want, be very specific, then commit to becoming that person. Start to look for ways to make it happen. You sound very proactive, get obsessed with getting better and becoming amazing!!

Really you are in a great position, when things get so bad you say "not one more day am I going to live like this", that's when change starts to happen and you start to build the life you want as opposed to the one you have be handed.

Good luck and feel free to post as much as you want.

Jun 12, 2009
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No problem
by: Anonymous

Of course not, post as much as you want. As you are finding out writing things down is very helpful.

I think as you have pointed out yourself there may be something else missing in your life and the relationships are just highlighting that. When you are with somebody you just don't have to think about, maybe what's missing is just a lack of other stuff in general.

Maybe just forget about it for a while and concentrate on making yourself complete. Have you seen "Yes Man" with Jim Carey? Trying new stuff is going to do three things, 1. it will take your mind off of things, 2. it will make you more attractive to others and 3. you might just meet somebody while doing it. Again I don't just want to throw over simplified advice that's easy to say and hard to do but it's kind of true.

Last thing that worked very well for me is to write down exactly who you want to be and what kind of life you want, be very specific, then commit to becoming that person. Start to look for ways to make it happen. You sound very proactive, get obsessed with getting better and becoming amazing!!

Really you are in a great position, when things get so bad you say "not one more day am I going to live like this", that's when change starts to happen and you start to build the life you want as opposed to the one you have be handed.

Good luck and feel free to post as much as you want.

Jun 11, 2009
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another day...
by: Mr. Breakdown

I hope that no one, especially you Cody, has a problem with me writing daily postings. After I wrote the first comment and thought about it for a while I found that I felt a lot better about myself. It was like once I got the idea out of my head and onto another medium I found peace. Cody, your quick response to my posting was uplifting and I truly appreciate your concern.
I had a motorcycle accident in may and I have had a month of solitude for introspection. I came to the conclusion during this time that I need to get a hold of my life and figure out who I am and what it is that I am doing here. After reading quite a few books, doing a couple of puzzles, drawing a few pictures, and writing in my journal I decided to make my first posting here. Your may be wondering what this has to do with relationships, so I will address that topic. During my month of downtime, I noticed that my phone wasn't ringing, no one was knocking at my door, and lastly, I wasn't recieving email or text messages from anyone. I began to realize that I have no real friends in the area. How is that possible? How can someone who works, lives, and interacts with people everyday not have any friends? What am I missing here?

Jun 10, 2009
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Re: Cody
by: Mr. Breakdown

No your comment was clear enough. I understand the concept, but I know that I will have difficulty practicing it. It's like knowing the right answer to a question but if you say the answer, you are shunned for being the "nerd." I can't really explain it. I remember once hearing a priest say that some people are meant to get married, some serve the church, and some people are single. I swore to myself that I would get married. I feel like it hits me so hard because I see happy couples all the time. What makes it worse is how young they are and how sure of themselves they are. I don't think that I have ever really felt that "click," that feeling that things are just right. I feel like I push myself to that point, but never actually feel it. Now I am being unclear. I will stop now. Thanks for the advice. I will try something new.

Jun 09, 2009
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Check The Meaning
by: Cody

The problem seems to be the meaning that you place on the relationship, I may be wrong but it seems as though you are placing all your hopes of happiness on a relationship. This puts far to much pressure on the other person and will ultimately scare them off. When that happens you are crushed and the whole cycle starts again.

The solution is to find your happiness in yourself and not in an external factor such as a relationship. If you can do this then you will be far more attractive and much more likely to maintain a relationship. This is to much to answer in one question and I know this sound simplistic and is far easier said than done.

Basically, very briefly you have to find a new meaning as to what a relationship is, it's part of your life and not your whole life.

Sorry I can't offer clearer advice.

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