I don't know how to control my mood. I'm most of the time angry either with myself or others around me espeacially with my fiance. I'm depressed about it!

by Fatima Saleh
(Australia, QLD, Brisbane)

Hi there,

My name is Fatima and lately i feel really down and depressed knowing that the one i love is suffering and sacrificing everything just to make me happy. I can't let it just pass by like this, so i hope you could help me.

I'm 21 years old and about to be weeded to the most amazing guy very soon. He's 27 years old, currently unemployed and living with his father, a divorce. I support him financially because I feel as a couple we should share the burden. In addition to that, I work in a very reputable company that pays me good. I don't know if that information is relevant to my topic, but maybe there could be a connection.

We've been together for 2 solid years and going to be our third year this November. But for the past year, we've been facing a lot of problems, from my on and off mood. I never used to have any problems with my mood with my ex before and I find it really strange that it should start now. I could come up with anything just to start a fight and sometimes I do that intentionally. I always like to get my way around things, even if I have to close the phone in his(fiance) face just to prove a point. I can be very abusive in my language especially when I'm pissed or angry and the worst thing is that who ever stands in front of me, making it my parents or my brothers or sisters or friends, don't mean anything to me when I am in that situation and worsens if they try to argue with me. Its not a flattering thing for a lady to do but I don't have any idea why I'm always angry especially with my hubby to be. I never want anything like this to happen especially when I know that he's the one that I would die for. I always blame him for everything. I blamed him for not trying hard to understand me or for not giving me that little bit of attention that I need. I feel I do give my part in this relationship and try my best to suppress this anger, this burning feeling inside me but it always gets its way to me. He never did anything wrong nor have he broken my trust before, but why am I like this? I know that I'm a very complicated person to deal with and I try my best to tell him how my mind works after we had a fight, but it just helps out a little bit.

Please try to help me because I would like to know what's wrong with me. I recently had a panic attack, like 2 days back and it was after I heard that my fiance was seeing a shrink because of me(without my knowledge for 3 months now). He thinks that its his fault for everything that's been going on in the relationship and that its his effort of not trying to understand me better, lead to this commotion. I really feel so depressed to see that there's a person hurting for me and I can't bare that any longer. Please help me.. Thank you

Comments for I don't know how to control my mood. I'm most of the time angry either with myself or others around me espeacially with my fiance. I'm depressed about it!

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Nov 02, 2015
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by: Anonymous

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May 19, 2009
Thanks alot Cody, but could i ask you something more?
by: Fatima

Hi Cody,

Thank you so much for that wounderful statement. I appreciate that i got a reply so soon on my subject. Thank you so much for your time. It means alot to me.

But i have already considered that option before, when i was just going a step back in my life with my fiance. You see, we talk about everything and your statement came up one day when we were discussing about my actions but i find it hard to believe that my frustration were built up because i'm afraid. Because, if so then its so silly of me to just dump my woes on my love and see him suffer like he is now!

But i feel so angry all the time and thats not usual of me because i tend to be the flexible, calm, out spoken type of person. That means, when i have something built up inside me i can just take a time out and sit down and talk about it either with my best friend or even my fiance. Yes, my previous relationship wasn't all that i expected to be but i feel that it should be because i fell in love for the first time and that was my ex and nothing of this sort ever happened. It went smooth for a year and a half and i broke it off because i saw that our relationship was just to take advantage of my generosity and my love for him!

I'm so sorry that i'm dumping my emotions out to you like this but could you please tell me other ways i could deal with my frustration because like i told you i discuss everything with my fiance and doesn't seem to work for me or if you could see another way that could be an anwser to this problem.

Thank you for your efforts and i really appreciate it so much from the bottom of my heart.

May 19, 2009
Maybe Your Scared
by: Cody

Hi there, my best guess to your situation is that you are scared of the magnitude of the relationship and you are subconsciously trying to sabotage it.

You can love somebody completely, and at a conscious level be fine with everything, but at a subconscious level you have a fear or fears and that is what is making you moody. What if he is not the right one and I marry him? What if he leaves me? What if I am to young for marriage and I want to live a little more first? All of these thoughts that you probably don't want to even acknowledge, are in conflict with your behavior in the relationship and that making you moody and unpredictable. On the inside you are just very confused.

It would also explain why you want to fight about everything, I'm guessing that you can't really express any doubt or fear to him for fear of upsetting him or his reaction. If this is the case then the frustration from that will show itself in any way it can and you will fight at the first opportunity regardless of how small.

You probably were not this way with your ex because it was not such a serious relationship, you didn't have the fears that you have now, this is why I think this might be the case, you are obviously not naturally moody, it's something in the situation that causing it.

If this is the case then the way to deal with it is to talk to you fiance about what is really on your mind. Not easy but it's what's needed. He can't support you in your feelings now because you are probably not truly sharing them with him. He feels inadequate because he can't support you but your not giving him the opportunity. Once you get it out the moods and the frustration will leave you and you will find peace again.

Please keep in mind I could be completely wrong here, I know very little of you and this is my best guess based on the info you have given. Use your own judgment as to whether or not you take my advice.

Best of luck and I hope it works out.


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