I alienate people

by Emily
(Singapore)

Where do i start? I'm the eldest in my family and from young, i was always the 'good girl', the one who always listened to whatever her parents wanted her to do and did not argue. I was never rebellious. From elementary school, my mother never let me call my friends or hang out with them. I never questioned it. Instead, I would write letters to them and pass to them in class or call them through payphone. Or, just hang out with them in school. I only hanged out with friends in the school all my life. Also,being brought up in a violent and emotionally-heated family environment, I learned to really withdraw into myself and not express my emotions to others. And I also couldn't handle fall outs with bitchy friends, adding to my introvertedness and low self-esteem. Obviously, all these affected the way i interact with people at present. I can get along with those easy-going ones, that was never a problem. But more and more, I find I can't make friends easily (with almost anyone I meet) or communicate with them, especially when i'm in a group (i'm always the quiet one in the corner). I'm not young anymore, and I'm going to graduate from college. I feel that I really need to work on this problem, as it gets me down a lot. Even my family (most days, i get along testily ok with them. i have a love-hate relationship with my my parents) constantly mocks and insinuates to me about this problem. I mean, if my own family can't support me, where else can I turn to you know?

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Oct 17, 2015
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Great NEW
by: Kim Grossman

It is good you are aware of the problem, that's a great start! By knowing that something needs to change, change is now considerably more likely.

But you have to learn some basics. How brain functions and how it programs thinking patterns that form your behaviour, beliefs and habits. Conscious and subconscious mind reprogramming will help you like nothing else.
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Sep 17, 2015
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Hi NEW
by: Clark Jefferson

Hi you are not alone try to open up to other people about your problems, and always remember that God is always their for you ready to listen to you.

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Apr 20, 2009
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comments abt cody's points
by: Emily

hi there cody, thanks for these pointers. It's easy to digest and kinda realistic. kind of.

For point 2, how do i distance myself from my own family? It IS a negative environment. Everyone is yelling (mocking, comparing, fighting) at someone several times a day. therefore, i HAVE tried to avoid all the drama by ignoring them (mindlessly listening to music, surfing the net), keeping quiet or talking about mundane things to keep it light.

For point 3, I KNOW it's a good idea. But like you said, like attracts like and obviously, i don't even attract most normal people, let alone those charismatic ones. I've heard an environment of outgoing people can really change you, but, I don't know how to immerse myself in an environment like that.

For point 4, it is easier said than done. I think what I've learnt is that things take time and practice, and i think i lack a severe case of practice, you know?

PS: believe me, I've read a lot of self-help bks, but i can't really apply them. because, they just don't cover everything that happens in real-life situations.

thanks for your suggestions anyway. i'll keep them in the back of my mind :)

Apr 20, 2009
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Find Positve Role Models
by: Cody

Thank you for your question. Your problem is not really an easy one to answer, there is however good news. Here are a few points that might help.

1. It is good you are aware of the problem, that's a great start! By knowing that something needs to change, change is now considerably more likely.

2. It's is the thoughts, attitudes and behaviors of those around you that have shaped the way you see the world and your own reality. It would be a good idea to separate yourself from people who are negative and don't support who you want to become. I don't mean cut them from your life completely, (obviously you love your family and they are very important), just distance yourself emotionally from the negative noise.

3. Along with this seek out people who demonstrate the characteristic that you wish to develop. You will learn a lot passively by simply being around these people, their attitudes and behavior will soon become your attitudes and these new thoughts will bring positive change to your life. I know that this is far easier said than done but nobody said this was easy. The best way to go about this is to start a massive program of personal development. Like attracts like, if you are pursuing serious improvement you will naturally start to attract to you others doing the same. These are the people you need to hang out with, this alone will change your life.

4. Work on your confidence, self esteem and charisma, how to do this is a little more than I can cover in a short answer but I go into detail on this in my book "Cut The B.S, A No Nonsense Guide To Happiness, (follow the link to find out more) I think that the information in there is very relevant to your situation I recommend it to you.

Well best of luck and feel free to ask again.

Cody

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