Im at extreme disadvantages in life, what am i gonna do?
present situation :
I live in a one bedroom flat in the north of england, on disability benefits, I own nothing except an old computer - got no carpets on my floor, a shabby bed etc. i suffer with borderline
personality disorder and post traumatic stress - I'm waiting to hear if I will get group therapy; my main problems are severe low self worth , rage and aggression and agoraphobia and anxiety, I have social problems forming friendships or relationships with people.
about my history:
I've had a severe hard life, suffered severe abuse, bullying, victimization, bad times, assaults, head injuries, homelessness, time in a psychiatric hospital, over a time span 0f 16 years, since the age of 16.
I've missed out on most things in life people take for granted: forming any relationships with anyone. never been employed, spent all my life on disability, never got an education, never got any qualifications.
I have a minor criminal record for an assault and carrying a knife when i lived in a rough neighborhood, and i was being targeted by local thugs.
Obviously have a psychiatric record to.
I used to have outbursts of rage years ago in public places, where id lose control and lash out at people, not something i planned but i would get a build up of paranoia and pressure in my head whilst outside then explode.
But I don't do that anymore, I've managed my rage for years without therapy. I also unfortunately haven't had consistent therapy over the years, the system failed me so I haven't had the help i needed.
what I want for my future:
I'm now 30 and would like to achieve a normal happy life, to have friends that i choose, a good paying job in computers, a secure life and most importantly; I want to emigrate from the united kingdom to somewhere hot, somewhere quiet and coastal by the sea, to find a loving senorita or a loving, partner to share my life with.
Most people when I talk about these desired ambitions put them down, or tell me their beyond my reach and patronizingly say "I have to be realistic"' "everybody wants those things but not everybody gets them".
That I'll find it "impossible" in my situation at my disadvantages.
It's mainly brits who keep on telling me that - other people from elsewhere usually have a more optimistic view towards me.
Its' like theres a conspiracy where the brits are trying to keep me here against my will (paranoia keeps creeping in).
All i know is I desperately want to achieve those goals and leave the uk.
Do I have any chance?
I'm not trying to be funny but i would like serious answers please as I'm really depressed over this right now.
my situation in every sense including geographically , is not where i want to be.
I feel really depressed because i worry ill be trapped here FOREVER or it will take to long to be able to work to get out of the situation