I don't know how to control my mood. I'm most of the time angry either with myself or others around me espeacially with my fiance. I'm depressed about it!
by Fatima Saleh
(Australia, QLD, Brisbane)
My name is Fatima and lately i feel really down and depressed knowing that the one i love is suffering and sacrificing everything just to make me happy. I can't let it just pass by like this, so i hope you could help me.
I'm 21 years old and about to be weeded to the most amazing guy very soon. He's 27 years old, currently unemployed and living with his father, a divorce. I support him financially because I feel as a couple we should share the burden. In addition to that, I work in a very reputable company that pays me good. I don't know if that information is relevant to my topic, but maybe there could be a connection.
We've been together for 2 solid years and going to be our third year this November. But for the past year, we've been facing a lot of problems, from my on and off mood. I never used to have any problems with my mood with my ex before and I find it really strange that it should start now. I could come up with anything just to start a fight and sometimes I do that intentionally. I always like to get my way around things, even if I have to close the phone in his(fiance) face just to prove a point. I can be very abusive in my language especially when I'm pissed or angry and the worst thing is that who ever stands in front of me, making it my parents or my brothers or sisters or friends, don't mean anything to me when I am in that situation and worsens if they try to argue with me. Its not a flattering thing for a lady to do but I don't have any idea why I'm always angry especially with my hubby to be. I never want anything like this to happen especially when I know that he's the one that I would die for. I always blame him for everything. I blamed him for not trying hard to understand me or for not giving me that little bit of attention that I need. I feel I do give my part in this relationship and try my best to suppress this anger, this burning feeling inside me but it always gets its way to me. He never did anything wrong nor have he broken my trust before, but why am I like this? I know that I'm a very complicated person to deal with and I try my best to tell him how my mind works after we had a fight, but it just helps out a little bit.
Please try to help me because I would like to know what's wrong with me. I recently had a panic attack, like 2 days back and it was after I heard that my fiance was seeing a shrink because of me(without my knowledge for 3 months now). He thinks that its his fault for everything that's been going on in the relationship and that its his effort of not trying to understand me better, lead to this commotion. I really feel so depressed to see that there's a person hurting for me and I can't bare that any longer. Please help me.. Thank you