help

by sara
(towoomba)

so we met on holiday, but we didn't get together the first time we met. But when I saw him I thought he was the most intriguing person I have ever seen

with his long dred locks exotic rings and he makes all his own clothes
we met again 'coincidentally' at a festival and we got together on new years. Fell in love instantly

we are away from each other a lot, since he is not an Australian resident and has to keep applying for visas and doing woofing work

I waited for him for a month to get back from japan and when he came back, I felt like I had been waiting so long that all the spark died out.

is this the beginning of the end
I don't want to lose him. He is an amazing person,the most beautiful I have ever seen, there is 11 years between us

I think I'm just scared that he will hurt me and I keep testing him

please help
I hope this is ok, not like an opinion I just don't know who to ask.

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Jul 20, 2009
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Beginning Of Something
by: Cody

Hi Sara,
Ok, here goes, keep in mind I could be wrong here but here is my best guess as to what is happening, it could be one of two things.

1. The relationship is based on physical, chemical attraction. If this is the case then the attraction between you is like a drug and the longer you are apart the weaker the attraction becomes, just like the withdrawal symptoms of a drug. The chemicals are waring off.

If this is the case then there is not much of a relationship anyway, it probably couldn't last. These types of relationship are hot and passionate but they are built on sand, eventually it will collapse. Not much you can do here. The other possibility is this.

2. The relationship is based on more than physical attraction, it is built on rock, that being solid communication, mutual interests and support etc. If this is the case then I would imagine that at least at a sub conscious level you know that due to the visa situation you are going to have to marry him, probably sooner rather than later if you are to be together.

If you are not ready for this, again at a sub conscious level you will start to shut down and sabotage the relationship in order to avoid this outcome. This could be why you feel the way you feel.

The solution to this if you wish to be with him is to face the situation and deal with your feelings about it. The reality is that you are probably going to have to marry him, if you accept this and embrace it that probably your feeling will return. If that is not a possibility for you, then sadly I think you know what needs to happen.

I wish you much luck with this.

Cody

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