HI Syra,
Your dream is aways realistic, you just don't know how yet, that doesn't mean it's not possible. Don't give up, just keep looking for the way. Your situation is understandable, uncertainty everywhere. My advice would be really, you've got to stop this from turning into full blown depression. It's going to be tough now, it's really going to be tough if you don't get on top of this while you still have a chance.
The answer to this is tough and lengthy but you can do it. Have a look through the depression section for some specific advice on how to get this under control.
