confused!wish i was a confident and a positive person.

by Jessie

my mom and i have a weird relationship, all i want is a healthy one. the reason it hurts the most is because she's the only parent i have.every time we talk, it becomes an argument. when my lil sister and i get upset with eachother, we try talking it out. but for some reason my mom hates it, doesnt want us to talk it out because she thinks were fighting..my mom blames me for everything and tells me im allways wrong..its come to a point i cant take it anymore and i feel thats why i dont have any confidence.. i wish i wasnt alive sometimes, i hate feeling this way im only 19! if i werent alive who would take care of them. i do everthing in the house..i feel like im the head of the house. im the driver too because she cant drive anymore because she was in an car accident..im taking my lil sister to school, food shopping,lawmdry and so on. i dont mean to complain, i know were supposed to help our families.but i never get a thank you, good job, or i love you!im trying to do the best i can.i want her to be proud of me..other people see how hard i try, why cant she? i have no one to talk to about how i feel..to fix this. i want to go to collage and find a job so i can pay for it as well and give my lil sister a better life..but how can i?im scared to get a job. i feel im not confident and dont know how to make small talk with people.i'v never had a job before, who would hired me? collage, a job to pay for collage and car, and taking care of my family..how will i do all that at the same time??? the thought overwhelms me!!i over think to much and losing my mind.my memory has gotten worse... any adivce or help???

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